After years of philosophical study and contemplation, I have come to the conclusion that one of the most courageous attributes is transparency. Living with honesty. Most importantly, being truthful to oneself. Which translates effortlessly by being honest with others. However, when embarking on the path towards truth, one begins to realize the real work that needs to be done in peeling away the many layers of masks that have been acquired through the years. Often, they come about as coping mechanisms, or ways of fitting in, or even less becoming, to be downright deceitful.

This is one reason why delving into conscious practice, such as meditation, yoga, chanting, and the myriad of bodywork modalities out there, one can begin to recognize the layers of untruth they have been living. That is, if one is sincerely wanting to look. Basically, we can run, but we cannot hide when faced with our shadow, and the changes that need to be made. It demands, fierce self inquiry and self examination. But, not in the navel gazing, self-absorbed sense, but a striving to evolve, by being untethered to the weight of one’s conditioned existence.

What I have found interesting is the initial pull towards practice. For me, it was Ashtanga yoga many years ago. It led me down a path of self-discovery I was unprepared to realize at first. However, the more I leaned in, the better I felt in my own skin, even when navigating challenging times of change and letting go. It gave focus in the uncertainty of not knowing. When the future felt foggy, even aimless.

As I continued, I started to see the flip side of various community dynamics. Where fitting in was more important than truthful dialogue. That even questioning certain approaches in these spaces were not only unwelcome, but in a way, shut out. I’m not talking about troublesome, disrespectful behavior, as appropriate decorum is important. But, clique formation that felt counter to the exploratory nature of yoga practice. One begins to see just how solitary it can be when digging deeper internally.

Can we still be connected to a community and stand authentic in who we are?

What I have come to realize as one peels away their own mask, is it makes those with masks much more uncomfortable. You don’t even have to have difficult conversations. Simply being who you are can trigger very compelling, even fearful responses and backbiting talk. People love to label, which is interesting, because are we not trying to break free from our attachments to such things? The more I do the inner work to release from identifications, the less I want to pigeonhole others. We then start to become deeply connected to the beauty of presence that lives in the spirit. It’s formless—but oh, so real.

I’ve been in some spaces where the “group think” approach is a huge part of the culture. Even an “us vs. them,” mentality in terms of various points of few, or even political systems. Even better, are we not supposed to ride above transient belief systems and find common ground? I know it is not always easy, but hopefully these practices guide us to navigate the dance of perspectives more gracefully, if not patiently. Not everything is as it seems, at first. There can be much more to discover. Once we dig into the nature of our own psyche, we quickly learn just how multi-layered and multi-faceted it is and how that translates to humanity.

The dark side of this work is the pull to fit into groups, because it might draw one into greater thought loops, instead of free objective thinking. Everything is contextual. What may seem right in one moment, might feel wrong in another. Being present and clear is essential. Instead of holding a plethora of identifications and ideologies.

I used to be an idealist. Now I feel myself more a realist. Not jaded, but desiring to be open to the here and now, and to see it for what it is, instead of what it could or should be. That doesn’t mean not to aspire for a greater vision, but moves cannot be made without an immersion of what is here, now. That often utilizes real talk and uncomfortable dialogue from time to time. To actually listen instead of push an agenda. To be fluid in one’s thinking and have the courage to question belief systems periodically. Never being intimidated to receive more information that proves one may have missed something in terms of their stance on an issue.

There are those who speak only when knowing they will garner acceptance, or may not speak all, understanding behaviors are wrong and dishonest. When aligned, one checks inside first and then makes their move. It’s an instinct where gut decisions give strength necessary to stand true. Not an adjustment as if running for political office, with the desire to be liked. On the flip side, if I am confused by someone’s actions I have learned to keep a distance. Those who show inner confidence never leave one questioning. You always know where they stand. It’s clear. It’s concise. I appreciate this greatly, whether I agree or not.

I personally have much work to do as I internally clear away space to allow the luminous field of consciousness to unfold. I am game. I am all in. This could potentially bring ridicule and criticism, but again, when standing firm, connecting within, these ripples will not make waves. Fears become tamed. For the shield of awareness brings the protection that is needed.

When you start to peel away the masks, don’t expect support from friends or family. Some will approve, and many will not. As there are those who have gotten used to you playing small and being less free. It’s a reflection. The more authentic and true you become, the more you will see it when it’s not being played out. It doesn’t mean you have to call it out. However, knowing from wisdom, will give the tools needed to maneuver appropriately. When you know better, you do better. You align with those from the apex of truth.

Solely, I don’t mind those who are rough around the edges as they tend to be shamelessly who they are. Again, I am not talking about rude behavior. But, I so appreciate those who are simply themselves. There is no over compensation. In a way, they can be very generous in terms of one’s energy and presence. As I have been around those who are “nice,” but not very honest. What’s the point, then?

My best advice is to fill the space around you. Don’t play small, and don’t feel the need to over compensate. What makes the yoga practice powerful is the embodiment of being fully grounded within oneself. Where the truth always resides. Making that connection will never lead you astray. It is more about the feeling, than bending in unique ways. It’s more about the approach, than what it looks like. One just has to be careful of falling into the trap of working from the outside perceptive caring what the peanut gallery thinks. If this happens you will never be free.

Freedom. Liberation. It’s an inside job.

Peel away the mask and see what happens.
You may be living, but potentially not very alive.

The world needs you to be the best YOU.

Last February we completed another retreat at Purple Valley in Goa, India. I have been conducting retreats there for over 10 years. It has easily become one of my most demanding and rewarding teaching experiences. We do a full schedule. With that said, it is for those who want not only an intensive experience, but also an immersive experience. A time to dig deep.

Our retreat theme was— Extraction.

When formulating the retreat schedule a theme will pop into my mind, and for whatever reason this is the word that came up. So, I went with it. I like to think in practice we are squeezing the juice, or nectar, that we can get nowhere else, but inside of ourselves.

We start the day with morning Mysore practice, ending the week with led Primary series. Then we have a break and reconvene with chanting, meditation and philosophy class. Afterwards, there is lunch and a break, and for the later afternoon, a more technical asana workshop depending on the day, split into experience levels. I find it important to make the workshops specific to the experience level of each person to make sure everyone gets everything they need in the learning process.

Next season, I will be teaching a total of 6 weeks at Purple Valley Yoga Centre. The first two weeks will be devoted to experienced Ashtanga Yoga practitioners who are well into Intermediate series and/or Advanced series. Whereas, the remaining four weeks will be my usual one month program for all levels — from new beginners, all the way to the most experienced. It’s always a good time, because it’s a transformative undertaking. No matter what, you will come out of it different in ways that might surprise you, and garner the tools to look at life in a expansive way.

The theme for the 2026 season — Sankalpa.

Sankalpa, means, your heartfelt intention.
San = an idea that is formed in the heart.
Kalpa = “This is the rule I will follow above all other rules.”

Through the vehicle of daily practice and mindful attention we begin to navigate the core of our inner truth, and through the heart, we get there. This is not cliché language. This is part of the exploration that takes place when we start to sincerely look inside.

In my retreats it is always my hope that participants and students learn how to trust themselves. However, often we only need to let go of hang-ups, conditioning, and thought loops that no longer serve our natural being. We already have everything we need to fully embody the truth of who we are, as we remove the fog of our own delusions.

In the end, it is about bringing what is unconscious — conscious.
We have to see better to do better. It begins and ends with awareness.

Personally, I deeply appreciate the craft of teaching. It has made me a better communicator as well as an educator. At the heart and soul of it, experiences such as this cultivates immense growth as I too sit in the trenches with all the students as well. I like to get my hands dirty, so to speak, and walk through the experience just as much as all the participants do. It is deeply moving seeing the true work of the yoga practice transform those who lean into it on a more conscious level. It often feel like magic, but it’s not. It’s our true birthright as human beings to lead with our hearts and be more alive.

Often times friendships are formed as people come from all over the world and from various walks of life. It can be rare to form bonds like this in the day to day, and to be surrounded by those who share the practice always gives a connecting point. Yoga can be a solitary path, but to share it with others brings another element to it all.

I understand carving out time like this can feel like a luxury. However, in a world of many distractions, and loads of information pulling at our attention, I feel becoming more centered through the vehicle of yoga practice gives essential context to the times. Space to unplug to plug into what is in the core of our internal self brings deep rewards that transcends the transient world.

Of course, this can be done without a retreat as what yoga gives us is available at all moments of our lives. We only need to make space for it to arise by being still. What I have learned is the most healing thing is often the most obvious. Usually being directly under our noses.

For more information the links are down below:

17 — 31 January 2026
Ashtanga Yoga Enrichments: A Retreat for Intermediate and Advanced Series Students.

31 January — 28 February 2026
One Month Ashtanga Yoga Intensive
(two week option available)

I’ve had a few moments in the past, even recently, where a culmination of insights have come to light. An experience can define an emerging shift, or in contrast, a slow evolving that finally makes its peak. Nonetheless, here I am feeling the importance of being still in the midst of activity, in a world where we must leverage every moment and maximize it.

It’s Exhausting.

Yes, more is more, but at what cost?

What is the ends to the means, when we use others as stepping stones to get where we want to go, never taking into account the damage that ensues? Yes, I am talking a little bit in code here. It never ceases to amaze the agenda behind every action that is self-serving. Especially in some circles I step one foot into from time to time. Hence, the importance being, one foot. As I have learned early on just how essential that is in keeping one’s center.

First of all, why rush? Where in actuality we should be slowing down to make better decisions. Usually, the need to rush comes from fear. Countless examples, expose being controlled by fear from non life threatening experiences never bodes well. We tend to get sloppy, missing vital details. I’m not talking about split gut decisions, but choices centered around others, or a community, where various points of view should be taken into account.

Objectivity is normal for those knowing we are not at the center of the universe. There are many players on the field, and being sensitive to that, is part of one’s evolving consciousness. Many make the claim, but don’t embody it by their actions.

What to do?

When I see this, I turn it back onto myself. What principles do I aspire to live, and better yet, embody? To be it in my bones as well as in my actions. This is an internal exercise, and one many may never see. That it okay. We don’t do it to be seen. We do it to be more resilient. When living by these standards, something begins to shift, in big ways.

Big picture thinking serves more than it takes. Whereas the takers must maneuver from lower energies of control. Ascending to the level of objectivity makes one magnetic. However, keep in mind, it will repel those who don’t live it.

Be still. Do the work, quietly. Be a magnet for higher, ultimately more subtle, powerful energy. Finding fulfillment from one’s inner well is an unlimited resource. Unlike the parasitic approach of needing a host to feed upon.

All great philosophers spoke about finding fulfillment within, and is prominent in yoga philosophy. It is really that simple, but simple is not always easy. That is why few do it. Even in yoga practice we are being guided to confront what is challenging, from time to time. While maintaining (hopefully) an equanimous center.

Embodiment comes from stillness. One reason why we are led to be anchored in our center when engaging in yoga and meditation practices. Whether focused on the breath, or the gazing point, we must draw from our internal well. It’s a skill that is cultivated, which is why in the beginning, it can feel unsettling. These important principles are rarely offered in our formative schooling.

Connecting to one’s center and acting on it, takes a whole other level of courage. It demands fortitude, and stamina. Some go by other means, but those who have changed the course for the better, had no other choice but to exist in this potent realm of being. It’s a calling.

Even when people do you wrong, remain internally still. It doesn’t mean action isn’t taken, but let the emotions ride before anything is done. Watch and observe, and sit with what has transpired. If rash reactions take place, often the trigger only gives the perpetrator more power. Seeing is all that needs to be done, because once you know what is true, there is no turning back to where you were before. Then one rises to another vantage point of knowing more, and seeing even better. So moving forward, you know exactly what to entertain, and what not to in various relationships. The subtle reward is greater clarity amongst strength. Time and time again, restraint is what’s needed, because knowing when to act, is a matter of accurate timing.

We grow from stillness.

It doesn’t mean nothing is done. We are not talking about wallflower energy. It’s a mental aptitude in bringing awareness to the forefront, choosing to no longer be beaten by the waves of emotional upheaval. Yes, some will actually try to provoke, or even stir a reaction, because siphoning energy is part of the plan. Inner stillness is about being clued into energy drains and putting a boundary around it.

One of my favorite antidotes is the representation of a light house. A light house stands strong, still and shines, guiding a path for ships to harbor. When we do the inner work we can simply stand, and be who we are, as what we align to will attract what we need. We draw it in. We keep our eyes on a higher vision. Ascending to uplifting attributes, for what unfolds will then be as easy as a flower in bloom during spring. It’s natural. It’s you complete and whole. Without the mind waves of distraction. The unlimited source reveals its abundance.

Stand still. Be one with your thoughts, words and actions.

Yes, there is wrong doing in the world, and believe me, I am not saying never to speak out or take significant action. Let the feelings ride. So when its time to speak, and act, it comes from the center, and not the reactionary ripple of the mind. Getting settled within the seat of one’s internal core will become a solace, even in times of challenge, as well as discomfort.

Nothing can be taken from you if it already lives inside. That is why doing the internal work necessary will create a bond that is unbreakable. Yes, the world will do as it will, but you will be exactly what you are intended to be. Whatever you have set your mind on. That is why it goes back to stillness, because you will know what to do, simply because you know who you are.

Today I’m announcing a brand new addition to my Substack publication: Laruga YOGA subscriber chat.

This is a conversation space exclusively for subscribers—kind of like a group chat or live hangout. I’ll post questions and updates that come my way, and you can jump into the discussion.

Join chat

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1. Get the Substack app by clicking this link or the button below. New chat threads won’t be sent sent via email, so turn on push notifications so you don’t miss conversation as it happens. You can also access chat on the web.

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2. Open the app and tap the Chat icon. It looks like two bubbles in the bottom bar, and you’ll see a row for my chat inside.

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My reading wrap up the past few months hasn’t been as good as I had set out for the year. It’s been a very slow start. For good reason, as I had a few intense teaching periods. What I did manage to read was excellent. I am intent on plowing through a significant TBR (To Be Read). I’m making the effort to read even more this year. Let’s see how it goes.

I just finished the highly recommended, The Sword of Kaigen, by M.L. Wang. A genre that I am trying out this year, being an adult fantasy read that is extremely well written. I have to say, having a badass female heroine made it all that more compelling as well as refreshing. I really enjoyed this book and highly recommend it.

Misaki, the main character, is a complex woman, that holds so much within her. She is not to be underestimated as she tries to workout her past as she lives into the present. Though the magic system and the fantasy world she lives in can be more challenging to identify with, her inner world is something many can understand.

Before delving into the fantasy world of The Sword of Kaigen, I finished Pachinko, by Min Jin Lee, which was also a fantastic read. I really appreciated the dimensions of this multi-generational story through the lens of a Korean family making it’s way through uncertain times. Again, there is a strong female lead that left an impression on me in light of difficulty. I didn’t realize the complexity in terms of the relationship between Koreans and the Japanese during wartime, which gave a perspective I was unaware. This is what makes stories such as this so interesting. It is often through books such as this where you catch a glimpse of what life must have been like, and how humans persevere in the face of adversity.

After these two books, I am heavily in my fiction era. Beforehand, I was reading more nonfiction, but now I’m craving story and interesting plot lines. However, I will continue to share some of my top books that have left an impact, pulling from various genres.

Of course, I do tend to lean into spirituality and consciousness when it comes to nonfiction books, but there are a few others to add as I am a very curious person by nature. Sometimes I have to reel that curiosity in as I find more value in going deep into a few topics at a time, instead of skimming the surface of many interests.

If you are a book lover too, welcome!

If you have book recommendations, please share.

Pachinko, by Min Jin Lee
Contemporary Fiction, Asian Literature
| 512 pages |

The Sword of Kaigen, by M.L. Wang
Epic Fantasy, Historical Fantasy
| 651 pages |

First week, practicing in the Shala, I’m always on a high. With feelings of comfort, exhilaration, mixed in with the energy of everyone in the room, let’s just say, after a year of practicing alone, there is no place I’d rather be. And, let’s not forget, the heat of tapas being burned. Settling into this breath paced practice, I hop onto the wave, and simply enjoy the ride. Second week, which I’m in the mist of now, reality sets in. The kinks in the body arise. When the high of the first week wears off, the real work begins. It will be a steady climb before I start to coast again. It always works out this way.

It also takes a while to decompress to the pace of living compared to home. In India, one quickly learns that everything works left of center. Never quite right. Never fully efficient, but somehow things come together anyway. A good lesson in giving up control or else live the alternative of beating your head up against a brick wall. It’s never fun and you’ll tire of it eventually.

Six trips (now 18 trips), I feel blessed and thankful to have had the opportunity to come, and as often as I have. It isn’t always easy for those out there who are balancing many things to put together the trip. I know this, and it reminds me to never take it for granted. I think for me my first trip to India really put what I deemed important into perspective. Growing up in the U.S., quite frankly, I was forced fed a bunch of bullshit. Force fed good stuff too, but when young, it was confusing distinguishing between my own growing intuition and knowing, and the cultural mores that surrounded me. I know this might sound controversial to some, and no matter, it has brought me to this point of discovery. Freedom isn’t always what we think it to be. Think on that. What does it really mean to be free?

In the same light, I honor the balance of deepening yoga practice and creating a life out in the world of the material. Some can use trips to Mysore as an escape, and quite frankly, I find dipping my toes into both worlds deems useful in honoring what it means to bring yoga into life. How can we know that the practice has done it’s work?

Through the years, with more practice, something more wants to be born. I find this exciting. I feel through yoga practice we uncover gifts, and it’s our responsibility to bring it forward or else grow stagnant. In many ways, it’s an offering. Our service to the world. Opening up to this there’s a sense of release, and at the same time, a comfort in not knowing it all. When I’m here I like to keep my eyes and ears open as I tune into my awareness. Can I learn something new through my encounters? Can I be open and release all notions of knowing something. Because yoga doesn’t work through association alone and idle gossip. It never has.

(Extracted from my prior writings in 2012)

Practicing and teaching, I’ve experienced resistance on various levels, and have observed it in the students I assist on a daily basis. Sometimes the resistance we face comes across quite clear, as it screams for our attention. Other times it sneaks up, without a warning, dressed in disguise. Resistance. It’s always around, lurking. I’ve been fascinated with the topic in that I have felt it on a personal level for the past six months. It seems to run in cycles, often making itself known more prominently at certain times more than others. What I have found is acknowledging its presence no matter how much you wish it wasn’t there, even in the midst of feeling, to simply show up, takes every bit of energy you have, there is an opportunity for growth in the struggle. Afterwards, when the clouds have cleared, usually on the other side of it, a wellspring of growth and expansion awaits.

Allowing what is, to be, is one of the most arduous of internal practices we face on and off the mat. Because after we have experienced our honeymoon period from attaining the goodies of yoga practice have worn off, some of the most extensive work is about to begin. This is the yoga. The goodies only give a small taste of the true experience. A fractional glimpse into the eye of the proverbial storm, but we have to go through the storm at some point, and resistance is part of that storm.

Not all situations will be ideal. There will be days our bodies will feel stiff, and our minds will feel as if it sits within the depths of hell. In turn, we may experience apathy and boredom as we are seduced by our expectations of how things should be. Of course, this is the play of the mind and the craving of the ego. There is really no need to judge when resistance crops up because it is inevitable. However, what will we put in its place? A question worth contemplating.

I know for me the practice has evolved and changed over the years. In the beginning there was an abundance of excitement and enthusiasm. Everything felt new, and every challenge was something that motivated me to tread forward. I still feel this to some extent, but more and more the focus rests in the quiet unchanging part of myself, because after while the realization that the body is in a constant state of flux, and ultimately impermanent, is experienced. Change is always happening, and acknowledgement of that makes the ride all the more graceful. The important thing to remember is the effort and steadfastness we put forth in practice, as we rest in this quiet space of awareness, is more important than any postural goodies we can acquire. Even in the mist of injury, apathy, boredom, fatigue, and depression, all these struggles must be faced head on, and there is really no need to wish it were different. Everything in time passes. Grace happens when we let go of the need for it to be any other way.

As a teacher it can be one of the most honest discussions I can have with a student. No, it won’t always be easy, and no it won’t always be fun, but I will tell you, it will be worth it.

(Extracted from my prior writings in 2013)

Lightness is cultivated from grounding. Start here. With a multitude of opportunities to establish roots in the practice, when learning to ground, move the energy downward through the limbs. The rebounding energy, in turn, surges upward, allowing the subtle channels of the body to flow and energize, arising first from a place of stability.

Look in nature. The tallest trees in the world, the redwoods, have a vast intricate network of roots supporting their skyward stretch. I like to think of it the same way in practice. Whenever my hands or feet touch the floor I consciously ground my awareness and energy toward the earth. This is where I gather my strength. It’s an offering.

Primary Series, among other things, is designed in a manner to ground and center, attaining an intimate relationship with our bodies. Starting from the gross level of awareness, then through time and practice, slowly, moving upward into the subtle reaches. It’s intelligently designed. Often I feel gathering strength originates from focus and awareness. Even if it hasn’t physically manifested yet, it doesn’t matter. We are working the most challenging muscle of all in between the ears. If we work with internal guidance the outward manifestation will start to form. It really isn’t the goal, think of it more as the byproduct of consistent, devotional practice. Practice is the goal. Then we taste the true experience.

Grounding doesn’t always correlate into working with the downward flow of the body, even though this is an important step. It is also about fully inhabiting the body from root to tip. Every inch, every layer, ALIVE. Every part of our bodies integrated with the greater whole. This doesn’t mean tensing, grasping or holding. This simply means awakening every cell of the body through the breath. If we can’t feel it, we can’t transform it. Equally stated, we can’t let it go either. Truly, what we are aligning to is the conscious awakening of the parts of ourselves that lie dormant or inert. We already encompass everything. Think of it as an excavation. Some may have to dig deeper than others, however in the larger of scope of things it doesn’t matter. Our body, our lesson.

There’s a pulsation. Feel it. Through the breath our sensitivity toward this pulsation arises as we channel the energy. Grace begins to take form. Join with it. It onsets by inherently listening, feeling the natural flow of the body emanating from the center, radiating outward. This too is grounding. The center is the area of Mula bandha up toward Uddhiya bandha. The entire area. Encompass this area. Even if it feels dead, it doesn’t matter, send your awareness there. Like I said, before it initiates in the mind, then in time, the body follows. We are creators, it takes consistent effort and patience. The refinement of the bandha happen over a duration of continual practice. Don’t get too wrapped up into it if it doesn’t make sense, because it’s still a mystery, even to me. All I know is connecting toward center brings the energy down into the body where the intelligence resides. Ever had a gut feeling? It never lies. Does it?

As cliché as it sounds, the power is within. I like to say, in an Ashtanga yoga practice, it’s about having an in-body experience. We begin with what is tangible, and accessible, our bodies, and often before we have considered entering into daily practice we haven’t become intimately connected with what houses our souls. I remember when I first began yoga practice I was amazed at what took place as I settled into the body. Through the power of the breath and the conscious connection centered on each movement, the synergy created was a revelation. Ah-ha. The gateway to greater liberation is through the body revitalized by conscious breath. Of course there isn’t only one way to freedom. However, from this realization the power of practice started to unfold. Layer upon layer we lighten up, whether it manifests in our body, or better yet, in our hearts and minds, never forgetting the added element bringing in a sense of discovery and curiosity in the process.

Lightening up isn’t only about fancy entries and exists out of postures. It entails bringing a sense of devotional wonder into our hearts through the experience of yoga. Each conscious step we take to dive inside through this physically demanding practice will begin to shed the unnecessary. What holds us down, what blocks our light, through observation comes clarity. “Mind medicine,” as Guruji would say.

(Extracted from my prior writings in 2012)

I’m a what you see is what you get type of person. Hence, I become a target of misguided judgement. However, transparency is something many are uncomfortable with especially in this scene.

Simply pointing out untruth doesn’t make one a troublemaker. However, the spin doctors will make it seem as such. Calling out misguided information based on facts is not called “fighting.”

However, let’s not forget those who sit on their throne of “transcendence”—stating how “divided” the community is, but also participate in their own gossip and grievances behind closed doors. They are active in private groups “calling out” these behaviors, but too scared to state it publicly. I am not in these groups. I do not participate in these conversations.

What you see is what you get.

Many times I stay silent, but when the lies become so blatant I speak on it and take the risk few will take to get criticized and ostracized.

I have “friends” who will not publicity like my posts for fear of what it will look like to the peanut gallery. Interesting. But if needed I will actually sit in the trenches with them, because I am not dictated by fear.

When you stand true there is nothing to hide.

There are many facades out there. It takes a discerning mind to filter through it all. I have patience to see it through.

When you have been bullied by gatekeepers at this length, believe me, I know how they work. I’ve observed every calculated move, because I have been victim of their talk and actions. At this point it doesn’t phase me.

Interesting how popular it is to talk politics and domineering leaders like Trump, but yet allow these dynamics to be played out within the community. You see, it’s easy to say the problem is “out there,” yet no strength is given inside.

The house needs to be cleaned inside.

I’m a flawed person. I have so much to work on. This I know for sure. But one thing I am not afraid of is to root out what is in my shadow. We all have light, but we have darkness too. Until we can do the work necessary to expose the dark spots we will always be lost.

Dialogue of uncomfortable conversations is called adulthood. Welcome.

(IG Post 16 March 2025)

The past few months have been undoubtedly interesting. It all started with the passing of my teacher. Shockwaves reverberated throughout the community. My heart broke in a way I wasn’t sure would ever be repaired. Might sound dramatic, but the loss of a teacher is something different. At least the way I see it, and feel it. Being a student was, and is, extremely important, and something I took to heart. Many may not understand. Many may not even want to. I am not here to make anyone get it. I’m only processing a myriad of feelings that after four months, I am still trying wrap my head around.

There’s grief. There’s gratitude. There’s emptiness. There’s what should I do with all I have learned? How do I pass this on with integrity and faith? And, let’s not forget, when there is loss, there are also those who take advantage. Although, that should never be the focus, we can never forget in times of uncertainty, there will be those who show up, and there will be those who show themselves.

Insecurity is loud. Confidence is quiet.

Love needs nothing. It’s the culmination of teachings one has absorbed that makes them ultimately abundant and full of wisdom. What has been utilized and applied, through work and dedication? They all live in the realm of experience in the world of the unseen. It transcends profit, status and validation through a piece of paper.

A leader is one who walks and doesn’t need to talk.

Many questions fill my mind and then I remember what my teacher often said, “just practice.” This is the one thing I can control. I can show up, but I can’t control how people show themselves. This is a time of exposure—an unveiling so to speak. Often the ground needs to shake, our foundations rocked, to rebuild in a new way. Clearly, there are those who try to position themselves, not through merit, but through other means.

It won’t be pretty, but it will be telling.

And well, there is a deeper teaching in all of this. The waters may be murky for a time, but maybe, just maybe, something beautiful can come of it—like the representation of a lotus flower. Maybe things need to break to be reborn. Maybe things need to burn for something to renew. When darkness descends, those who illuminate truth will hopefully inspire those who see with clear eyes, to speak.

My months in Mysore were beautiful and healing. There was no grasping, only being in the space filled with so many memories and so much love. There was nothing to document the time. No photos, no videos, as the day to day of two months lives inside a scared zone that will stay with me forever. There was nothing to show, only something to give. For all that I have learned through the years makes me feel abundantly grateful. As I am so honored to have been part of my teacher’s legacy in some small way.

And then I remember the saying, “calm waters, don’t make a good sailor.” In the spirit of growth, we can’t choose the easy path. It doesn’t mean we need to make our pathway more difficult, but needless to say, to become more conscious we must acknowledge the itch of triggers and resistance. It’s par for the course. It’s what’s makes us during challenging times. It realigns our focus where we may have fallen asleep. It carves out our character. The only thing we truly have.

Awakening can be brutal. For when fast asleep and comfortable there is nothing worse than being taken out of one’s slumber, but it is necessary to get up and get moving, because what is done in the dark must always come to the light, eventually.

Hello there. Moving forward I will be migrating much of my focus in, terms of writing, here on Substack. I like the idea of longer form, more thoughtful content that aligns with my approach.

Many years ago, I started a blog which was my entry way into having a presence online, circa 2007. I was quite active for a long time, and then it ultimately dwindled as other activities via the internet became the norm. Faster paced, short form, became commonplace, but wasn’t fully me.

So here we are.

Most know me as an Ashtanga yoga teacher and practitioner, but of course, there is much more to who I am. Interesting how as a young person you try to build an identity, and as you get older, there’s greater freedom in stripping back, and not being so tied to labels, fitting in, and aligning to the norm. It’s called liberation. It’s my vibe, on every level.

Free thinking, free being, expressing the truth of lived experience, etc.

With all this said, I have come to learn the discovery and seeking for truth is not going to win popularity contests. Hence, going back to my prior comment of not being identified with conforming to the norm. Not so much in an externalized sense, but more in an internalized, way of being sense—a way of thinking, more like it.

What makes us uncomfortable from time to time, can teach us multitudes about ourselves, and what we attach to, and are identified by in life. I find the important work of yoga is to be free of conditioning. Once you start, one finds just how difficult it can be. However, it is compellingly worthwhile. Always. Our patterns control us. Often, we are unaware of our conditioning, and once we break out, even just a little bit, things start to unravel. Everything is connected. It can feel like a slippery slope. A slope, I have found to be a fun ride, from time to time, and of course, when going over a few bumps, can be painful as well.

Our pain can be a trigger point for transformation or the reinforcement of the groove of our conditioning. It’s all so interesting. So much comes down to choices and taking radical responsibility.

I have come to the acceptance that no one is going to save me.

Coming of age we are bombarded with an abundance of propaganda. It can be hard to decipher what is my path? What is truly important? What are my values?

As you can see, I’m all over the place with my thoughts and meanderings that pop into my mind and heart. It’s been an interesting past few months as much is coming to light. Things are shifting, both with what is in my control, and out of my control. Which is always the dilemma.

There are times when we need to speak and there are times when silence is best. That is why each moment comes down to the context of the situation. If we are to be sincere with our relationship to the present moment, in a sense, we will always know what to do. The challenge is being in the moment. To be fully present and available to the knowing wisdom that is constantly within us and around us is paramount. One reason why listening is a profound art.

We live in a culture where there is so much more talking than listening. We are bombarded with information and opinions. It can be difficult to find our inner core if we are not careful to block out the noise. It takes loads of trust, because most of the marketing out there drives on our insecurities. It can be a real battle. Not in a fighting sense, but in getting clear.

So in my sharing a few of my thoughts and musings, I hope moving forward you see the value in what you bring to the table in every situation. What you need, you already have. There is opportunity everywhere even in the darkest of moments. We only need the eyes to see, the ears to listen and the heart to know.

Get connected. Go in and go through. There is no better avenue to take.

I’ll be sharing more and I hope to hear from you as well.

This is the era of truth and heart centered knowing. Welcome.

xo, laruga*

This is Laruga’s Newsletter, a newsletter about living in the questions. Uncertain of the answers..

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